Saturday, 28 February 2009


... because there's so much meaning behind them.

I really can't believe that Uni is going to start next week.

March 2nd.

I wonder how I came so far.. and it seemed to pass by in a flash.

Interesting, really, how things turned out.

Okay, don't mind me, I'm just writing for the sake of writing.

I've sort of lost the blogging mojo.

Sort of.

Not really, but sort of.

There are so many things to write about.. I just don't bother putting them down.
Some things feel like they're not important enough to be remembered.. but others are.


I need to clear my head.

Has it been like this before?
Three words. Eight letters. Say it, and I'm yours.

Thursday, 26 February 2009


... because it really is the best medicine.

I just typed a reallyyyyy long e-mail to my dad.

I meant it only to be something like two lines.


So anyway.

Orientation is.. pretty cool. Hehe. Meeting new people is always fun, and the clubs and societies were interesting, to say the least. *NUDGE*shenHOSTBOYhehehe*NUDGE*

Joined a couple of clubs and stuff, hope they'll turn out to be fun!

Ooooh and I bought some aromatherapy stuff. Just 'cause I felt like it. HEHE. I felt like getting it since last year, but I never did, so yup! Fun, fun, fun. =)

There's this Amazing Race thing tomorrow, so cross your fingers for us and hope we win!! Heeeeeee. =)=)


How awesome is that?

Tuesday, 24 February 2009


... because there's this little piece that's just not there.

I was going to write "... because there's just this little hole that's empty", but it sounded kind of wrong in hindsight, so yeah. Heh.

Orientation today was ..... okay. Another two days of O-week left.

Met a couple of people, having lunch with them tomorrow or something. =)

Oh you know what, I did something really stupid.

For Psychology right, I have lab practicals and stuff? So yeah.

I kind of just sold my lab coat and goggles yesterday.

Grrrrrrrrrrr. I hope that they don't do the Chemistry-type labs for Psychology. That would NOT be cool. Because then I've got to get a new lab coat and goggles.


Just one more thing.



You don't exactly treat your friends this way, do you?
The same ten words.

Monday, 23 February 2009

C'est la vie.

... because that's life, isn't it?

Selecting subjects in Uni = GRRRRRRRRRRRR

My timetable is NOT as awesome as I would like it to be. =( Now my Wednesdays are like, full to the max. And I can't change the class, because the other classes are all OVERFULL. Blahhhhhhhhh.

PLUS, now I find that I have to CHANGE another one of my classes to another day, because of a clashing timetable. Irritatinguntilcandie.

So yeah, the subjects I'm going to take for the first semester - Psychology (major), French (major/minor - haven't decided), Philosophy, Politics and Economics (interdisciplinary), and Music Psychology (breadth).
I feel like I'm just stumbling into things. Like, seriously. Apart from Psychology - I don't know what else I want to do. I didn't realise I could fit another major into my timetable. So now I can, and I'm taking French as a major/minor - because I can't take it as a breadth subject.

This year (and the next few years) is (are) going to be interesting.

Baby, you're not that kind.

Sunday, 22 February 2009


... because I am awesome. =)

I have (finally) finished sending out 381749502754905 of the Oaktree Foundation's Generate Program emails to the lecturers/professors/tutors in Swinburne and Deakin University!!

Okay, fine, so maybe it was only 130 emails.

But I swear, it felt like it was waaaaaaaaayyyy more than that.

Especially since the emails had to be like, personalined. =.=

And I had to attach two .pdf files to every single email.

And since they have to be personalised, I had to re-attach the files for EVERY. SINGLE. EMAIL.

Fuish wastingtimeuntilcandie.

But whatever, it's done, so YAY. =)

I've been waiting forever for this.

Saturday, 21 February 2009


... because no matter how old you are, they still make you go "awww".

A scene from Ella Enchanted (2004).

Maybe it's just me, but I never get tired of watching fairytales.

It makes you believe, it keeps you hoping, doesn't it?

Sure, I've had my cynical moments, the whole, you know, "those things only happen in stories, they don't happen in real life" et cetera, et cetera.

But then, it doesn't hurt, does it? To go on believing, to go on hoping, to have faith?

Fairytales aren't just for kids.. and if they are, so what?

It never hurts to dream..

Because who knows?

Your dream might just come true.


How about my happily ever after?

Friday, 20 February 2009


... because it's MINE and you should STAY OFF IT.

We finally have a fan! Yay! =)

Yes, the bedroom has no fan, and it is HOT.

From the global warming and everything, you know. And my presence of course.


I need ..


I need to do laundry.


Oh, oh, touch rugby tomorrow! Yay! Didn't know whether they were still going to continue playing, but I guess they are! =)

Still feeling lazy - unpacking not done. =(=(=(

And subject selection is REALLY confusing.

So for Psychology right..

Oh right, I don't think I've mentioned it here before. Okay, so I'm doing Psychology through the Bachelor of Arts at the University of Melbourne. Why through Arts? Because I *want* to do it through Arts. =)

So. For a normal Bachelor of Arts, you're supposed to take 4 core subjects, 2 interdisciplinary subjects and 2 breadth subjects (subjects outside your faculty - to broaden your knowledge or something like that).


For Psychology, we have 5 core subjects instead of 4. So we have one LESS breadth subject. Which is.. not cool. Because so many of the breadth subjects sound like so much fun! So anyway. I was thinking of taking French as a breadth subject. Which is totally cool.


As I found out yesterday - French is a language, and it's under Arts, therefore it is under the faculty that I'm in. Ergo, I *probably* can't do it as a breadth subject, because breadth subjects are supposed to be *outside* of your faculty. So the only way I can do it is if I major in Psychology, and take a minor in French. Which means I *still* have to choose another breadth subject to do. Which is still totally cool. Except that I have *no idea* what it's going to do to my timetable.

And my course advice session is only on Monday. AND it's only for 15 minutes.

AND I can't get my student card until *after* I select my subjects. I found that out today - after I tried getting it done. Awww but today was a good picture day. =(

Oh well.
We can't always have everything we want.

I miss you.
Thou shalt not usurp my realm. Take thee and thy minions, and begone!

Wednesday, 18 February 2009

The Return of the Roommate.

... because HERE WE GO AGAIN. *martyred sigh*

Hehehe. =)

Looking for amusing anecdotes of daily life in Melbourne?

Look no further!

Your daily dose of laughter is right here!

Meet the roommate.

Another (few) year(s) of her awesome company to go.

Right now she's eating fried eggs with a pair of chopsticks "STRAIGHT FROM THE FRYING PAN". You know, like they write in some menus, to show that the food is freshly cooked and stuff?

Except like, she's eating from the pan. LITERALLY. =.=

Save water, save electricity, save gas, save time, apparently.

But also because she's lazy to wash the thing la. But that's not the point.

She's going green, yo!


Yeap! So. More funny anecdotes coming up, guaranteed.. remember the fire incident?



What would I do without you, woman. =P

Tuesday, 17 February 2009


... because I can't think of anything else to put as the title.

It's 8.45 pm. I feel like sleeping.

It's still bright outside.

Okay it isn't, I just checked.

Well, it was still bright outside 10 minutes ago.

Daylight saving time is disconcerting.

Stocked up on food stuff today. Still need to go to Safeway.

Grrr I should get my Oaktree work done. Not good, not good.

MaxB with the girlfriends in a bit. =)

You said no...
But I believe in destiny.

Monday, 16 February 2009


... because I am HERE!!!!!!!!! =)=)

Cheh, makes it sound like the Queen is here or something.

Oh yes. So I arrived in Australia this morning, safe and sound. =)

AND OMG I AM SOOOOOOO UPSET !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had to leave my skates behind.




*screams*rages*curses*mumbles*throws tantrum*grumbles*

Pissing off GRRR. I had to leave a whole lot of other stuff behind too HUMPH.

But anyway. The flight.


My stuuuuuuuuupid in-flight entertainment system thing wasn't working. That means I had NO MOVIES TO WATCH. Grrrrrrrrrrr. Wanted to watch .. I can't remember what. But there were two movies I wanted to watch!! And I didn't get to watch any!! All because the stuuuuuuuuupid thing wasn't working! Bad shape, sighhhhh.

I'm sleepyyyyy. I slept when they turned off the lights, and woke up when they turned the lights on again. =.= In the plane, I mean. So.. 4 hours of sleep? Bit less than that, I think. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I should NOT sleep till tonight, though, if not my sleeping time will go all out of whack again. But I'M SLEEPY. But I WILL PREVAIL!!!! =)=)

OMG the fridge, microwave, rangehood, toilet, shower area and everything is SPANKING CLEAN now!!

I abso-*******-lutely HATE cleaning!!

But, but, but!!!

Chuen Loong is an amazing friend, HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. =)

He totally like helped me clean the stuff and everything. Thank you Loong!!=)=)

I wanttttttttttttttttttttttt.. my skates. =(

I need to start cooking again. Blah. I shall get all the groceries tomorrow or... something.

Rats, I have no food to eat now. Grrr.

So, does absence really make the heart grow fonder? You tell me.

Sunday, 15 February 2009


... because there is nothing left but that.

I'm leaving today.



In like, 11 hours, dammit.

It's 10.06 am now.

It doesn't feel like I'm leaving today.

I haven't finished packing.




Will you miss me, when I'm gone?
What in the blazes are you sorry for?

Saturday, 14 February 2009


... because it is the one thing that makes the irrational, rational.

Thank you.

Happy Valentine's Day. =)=)

What if I had said something else?

What if you knew?

Valentine's Day.

... because love is in the air.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! =)

Valentine's Day + no valentine = SAD

SAD + friends with no valentines = Singles Awareness Day

A little introduction to the history of Valentine's Day.

The history of Valentine's Day — and its patron saint (St. Valentine) — is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred.

To read more (from source):

P.s- I'm leaving on Sunday. T.T

P.s 2 - GO BIRU!! Merentas desa is in the morning, good luck to all of them! ;)

A woman likes to be crossed in love now and then. It gives her something to think of.

Thursday, 12 February 2009


... because one needs to understand oneself.

Look deep down inside.

Reflection. Wonder. Myth. Care. Hope. Love. Tear. Fly. Joy. Leave. Red. Near. Cry. Time. Mean. Give. Return. Ask. Forgive. Mystery. Spirit. Soul. Life. Destiny. Fate. Intertwined. Free. Heal. Live. Rejoice. Look back. Relive. Relieve. Future. Happiness. Next. Age. Time.

Free association (Psychoanalysis) - Clear your mind, then write down whatever thought that comes into your head.

I kind of like my hair in this picture. =)

I don't get it, I really don't.


... because how else can we tell the difference?

I was just reading a couple of emails I wrote a while back. In .. mid 2007. Wow, it seems like it was so long ago. And yet, it's only been well, less than two years. It feels like it was from a different lifetime.

What changed?

What changed to make things then so different from things now? Changes I never even noticed.

Nobody could be more shocked than I was, reading the things I wrote then. I can scarcely believe it ...

Where was the line between how I thought THEN, and how I think NOW? Where was the boundary, when was the crossing over, how did it happen? Why did I not realise?

Was it so gradual a change, that I did not notice? And it seems so drastic now.

I wonder, I really, really wonder.

When did I cross that line, and come to this new understanding?

And after that.. is THIS better, or was it better THEN?

I can't believe I sent that, I really can't. But there it is, cold, hard proof. What on Earth provoked me to do such a thing? Was I angry? Hurt? Sad? Did I resent it? Did I feel like it was happening all over again?

Where was the line??


... because to know that you're doing the right thing is necessary.

No mood to blog.

Yeah. Me. No mood to blog. Surprising, huh?

Oh, went out with the monkeys today (minus Ruth, Tee Jin and Leping). Had an awesome time with them as usual. =)

I will .. blah.


Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. -JohnLennon-

Wednesday, 11 February 2009


... because appearance is everything.

Meet the MONKEYS.

Me. Jia Ming.

Carmen. Chen Han. Me.

Me. Leping.

Me. Chen Han.

I won't even go into the details for this picture. =P

Me. theawesomeYee Hooi.

Ruth. Me.

Me. Carmen. Yee Hooi.

MIA - Terence, Michael, Michelle, Cheng Chun

I felt something when I heard the song. Was it regret?
But still - I stand by my decision.

So, are you feeling the deja-vu?
There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy. -RobertLouisStevenson-

Monday, 9 February 2009


... because how can I be sure?




On Merentas Desa day.


Mean what you say, and say only what you mean.

Sunday, 8 February 2009


... because everything should be in equilibrium.


Have reached 5300+ points for Guess the Sketch on Facebook!!




Haha, I should stop doing that, I really should. But.. habit la. Old habits die hard! Except that it's not really an old habit. But habits are hard to break!

See, in a "HABIT", right. If you take away the "H", you still have "a bit". Now, if you take away the "A", you still have "bit". Take away the "B", and you still have "it"!! And finally, take away the "T", and you're left with "I". And we all know that "I" (as in, yourself) is imperfect, so we can never be rid of some bad habits and stuff! So you're back to square one!


Omg I'm babbling.

You know what, I wrote this whole post just so I could write this line (below). I'm so weird. XD
This weird compulsion.


... because of everything we've been through together.

Went to One Utama for lunch with the monkeys today. =)

Jia Ming, Chen Han, Leping, Carmen, Tee Jin, Ruth, Yee Hooi (the rest of the gang: Terence, Michael, Michelle, Cheng Chun were MIA). They never fail to make me laugh. =) From the random-ness, to the gay-ness, to the blur-ness, to insulting each other, to making stupid faces, to the smart-aleck comments.. Yeah, they're awesome friends. =)

Oooooh, we'll own a hospital next time! Five of them doctors/specialists, one CEO, two accountants, one psychologist, one lawyer, one entertainment administrator, one model!/patient/janitor (TeeJin xp).

From YeeHooi's blog:

It's like there's 12 of us, Terence will be neurosurgeon, Cheng Chun will the cardio one, Chen Han the gynaecologist, Leping in charge of the cancer patients, Ruth the General Practitioner , Caitlin the psychologist, Carmen the nurse, Jia Ming the ahem CEO, Michelle will be the one who handles all the legal stuff, me the CFO (i refuse to be just the accountant), Tee Jin the patient/janitor and Michael, umm maybe you can open a foosball cafe in the hospital to provide leisure. =) Oh and I WILL name it Sacred Heart Hospital if you guys can't come up with a name for it, because it sounds better than JiaMing Hospital or The Gang hospital.

Haha random, random.


Chen Han: Later where are we gonna meet?

Caitlin: 1 U is a shopping complex whatttt, anywhere also can.

Chen Han: Mm seriously you say 1 U at 12 noon later we play hide and seek a? :)

Caitlin: Haha, if you want=) You know what, you choose. Old wing or new wing.

Chen Han: New wing. New wing is new. And using those new pair of wings, we can soar to greater heights. More energy, more powerful. Old wing? Later we end up flying without wings.



Carmen: #(*&$@! I don't like seat belts.

Caitlin: Why, too tight, is it?


Carmen: No, I can't stay for dinner.. my awesome-ness will make you all depressed tomorrow.

Caitlin: I'm depressed NOW [because I'm sitting next to you - and it's not because you're awesome].


Live in the moment.
The past is history, the future is a mystery, and today is a gift. That's why we call it the PRESENT.


... because the time has come to grow up and make decisions.











No idea.



Take five.





Left, right?















Don't want that.


















I feel ................. so cold.
Stop pretending, it does not become you. I mean, me.


... because I have no other words to use. So just, because.

Had a long day today.

Breakfast at KLCC with darling Jia Yi, who came up from Singapore. =)

Love you la, Mdm. Bimbo. ;)

Went all over the place with dad after that, he needed to get stuff. From KLCC to Subang Jaya to SS2, then home, then airport. o.O

I drove back from the airport. Syok man. =P

Then after that drove brother to some party thing, had dinner with mum then fetched brother then drove back.

And now I'm here, typing.

Relating, in 5 minutes, everything I did the whole of today. Because I can't think of anything else to say.

I'm fine, really, it's just THAT. And by THAT, I mean that I don't know what to say, and I have no idea why. Maybe it's because I don't know what to think. But I have no idea WHY I don't know what to think. And I CAN think, okay? Shuddup Carmen=)

"Heaven Knows", by Rick Price is playing on repeat on my iTunes.


What do I say? I can't think of anything else to say. I'm at a loss for words. Me. Loss for words. I didn't know that was possible. I like shiny things. Hmm, ignore me. Being nonsensical. Ooooooooooh, look. Shiny.
If you can live forever, what do you live for?
And if you have a limited time to live, what do you live for?

Friday, 6 February 2009


... because to finally KNOW..
is priceless indeed.
I have no idea what that is supposed to mean. Hmm.


Notice anything different?

Need a closer look?

Coloured contact lenses! Hehe.

Got them about a week ago. Erm, this is not the first time I'm wearing them, just the first time I bothered taking a picture. =)

So anyway. I think it looks fine in pictures, but it looks WEIRD when I look in the mirror. Got them for fun, just to try.. I don't think I'll be getting them again since it looks weird. Heh. Oh, the colour is pure hazel, by the way. Monthly disposable lenses. 1 pair per box, but since both my eyes have different power, I have to get two boxes, therefore I have two pairs. So yeap, I have to wear it for the rest of this month and another month after that. =.=

Oh well.

Heee. =)

P.s - Today is (quote YunShen) an ugly face day. And a fat day too, GAHHHH.

Don't tell me you're sorry, because I know you're not.


... because to be frank, how else can it work?

Warning: This post contains nonsensical thoughts. Do not read any further unless you are suffering from extreme boredom. Even then.. proceed with caution. Seriously.

You know something? I think it's quite difficult to come up with new stories. I mean, like, a lot of stories are based on real things. A lot of story books are based on ancient legends, prophecies, just stories that have been passed down by word of mouth or stories that have been recorded in some form of writing too old for us to have seen.

I've been reading quite a bit these holidays (soon I won't have the luxury of being to free to lounge around reading *sigh*), and yeah, there are always like elements that are similar to those in other books and stuff. Or in legends, mythology, stuff like that. There's always like, a true account, a true historical background. The characters may have a different name, some may be made up, the environment may have changed, but there is always some element of previous work in it. I mean (okay I don't really know what I'm trying to say anymore, BUT ANYWAY), it's hard to come up with something totally new, you know? I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's easier to modify, to piece together, to ... innovate. Yes. It's easier to innovate than to invent. Because the foundation is already there.

So anyway. I kind of realised that in the stories I've been writing. I mean, it starts out with a line, just a sentence or anything, that's suddenly popped into my mind and I think, "Okay, that will make a good story", as the characters and all start to form. But as I write (I NEVER write drafts or anything, not even for serious essays - I just can't), somehow, I just put in things I've experienced, or am experiencing, into the story. It really is unintentional, and sometimes I don't even realise it till I'm done with the story and I read it over. Some things are exaggerated, some things understated, some things made up, some things not mentioned.. you get my point, right?

So the thing is. Coming up with something like, completely new, totally your own, is really hard. I think I can safely say that everything I've written so far is pieced together here and there from different stories. Of course with elements I've come up with myself in it, and in my style of writing. So not CREATED, just.. renewed.

Haha. Okay I have no idea what I'm on to.

Scratch all that.

Don't think too much. That's what you said, right? Don't think too much.
It has been too long.

Thursday, 5 February 2009


... because all it takes is a little longer. Just a little..

Now I remember why I miss Australia.



Bride Wars, people! =)=)

Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway).
Nate (Liz's fiance) is superrrrrrrrrrrrrrr sweet *swoons*


Soon, but WHEN IS SOON?? =(=(=(
What do you suppose it means?

Wednesday, 4 February 2009


... because how else can you expect someone to be reasonable?

and you will not be disappointed.

Disclaimer: Do not read too much into it. It may not be what you think it is.

It's hard to forget.
You have no idea. No. Friggin'. Idea.


... because you need to keep up appearances.

Tagged by Michele.

Once you've been tagged, you have to list down 16 random things, habits or goals about you. Lastly, choose five people to be tagged, listing their names, and why you chose them.

1. I love reading story books. Adventure, Chic Lit, Fantasy, Classics.. you name it. I *think* I started reading when I was 3, you know those Peter and Jane books? The first book I really read on my own was about some little girl doing ballet, I was maybe 4 or 5 years old. I remember I didn't understand the word "help", so I underlined it and asked mum what it was when she came back from work. =) Oh, and when I'm really into the book, I totally tune out from reality, I don't answer if people call my name and stuff, because I don't hear it. XD

2. I love sports. Or just being active in general. I'd love to climb a mountain some day. Trek through rainforests. Figure skating, running, swimming, basketball, bowling, rock climbing, whatever. I'm game, yo. =) Oh except like, netball. And volleyball. Yeah those are sort of more girl sports right. But I never got the hang of it. Daymn what does that say about me. XD

3. I used to take 2 hours to eat when I was younger. No kidding. Solid two hours. In the early primary school years. I'd just play around with my food on my plate. Heh. Oh, and I used to eat everything separately, like, finish the plain rice first, then meat, then whatever else there was, then only the vegetables.

4. I love the smell of leather. Like, in new cars and leather clothes and all. Whaaaaaaaaat? It smells good. Oooooooh, so does freshly cut grass. =)

5. When I was a little kid, apparently I thought that dead animals could be revived. Like, there was once I saw a dead bird on the road, and I asked why it was lying on the floor. My mum said it was dead, to which I promptly replied, "Put new batteries!!". Yeaaahhhhh.

6. I've always wanted the whole magic/fairy tale world etc. to exist. Like, fairies, wands, elves, talking animals... =)=)=)

7. I associate certain colours with certain things. Eg. Black - emo/classy. White - pure (like my name- Caitlin means pure, by the way HEEE xp). Green - nature. Red - anger (most of the time)/roses.

8. I don't care what people say about the things I do (if I think I'm doing the right thing), but I do care about what people think of me (most of the time, but sometimes I just can't be bothered).

9. I like being prepared for stuff, which explains why I have a ridiculously heavy bag to carry every time I go out. You never know what you may need. ;)

10. I wish I knew what really went on in outer space, whether there really are other living creatures on other planets, and whether they are watching what we do and stuff. I also wish I knew the future of the Earth, what's going to happen to it and all that.

11. I want to make a difference in the world. 'nuff said.

12. I am actually a very emo person. But y'all already knew that. =P I do the whole reading between the lines thing, too much, most of the time, to my own detriment.

13. I drink like, five 600ml bottles of water a day, at least. That's .. oooh, that's like 3000 ml. 3 Litres. Hmmm. WEM, water is good for health, complexion and all that. =P

14. I day dream a lot. Needless to say, I have a lot of castles in the air.. =) But I can also stare at something for no particular reason for a very long time and be thinking of nothing.

15. I can't stand things written in not-so-proper English. I mean, not to say that my English is amazing or anything, really. I make mistakes too. But like, especially online, shortening words and all that? Honestly, how hard is it to type out like, one or two more alphabets? There's no word limit to keep to, like in text messages and stuff. I don't know, I just have an itch to correct the wrong things, spelling, grammar, whatever. Heh. OCD, maybe? =P

16. I am not an interesting person. Seriously. I never really have anything to say or add to the conversation.. has anyone noticed? =P

I tag: Jasryn, Li Ying, Su Ping, Li May, Kimberly. Because that's the first 5 names that came into my head (and everyone else has already been tagged/done the tag).

Game Over.

Tuesday, 3 February 2009


... because it makes all the difference.

I watch as the column of ants slowly make their way back to their turf. They're so tiny, I remember myself thinking. All it takes is one careless sweep, and they cease to exist.

And yet.. there is a beauty in that insignificant column of ants, one that I cannot explain. My gaze does not waver, my attention does not shift from the small, black bodies carried around by six scurrying legs each. I watch, fascinated, as they stop before a fist sized rock. So easy, it is so easy to squash them all, to wipe out their pitiful lives. I lift up the rock. It is not even heavy to my seemingly gigantic hand. Trustingly, naively, the ants continue to march forward as soon as their obstacle is removed. Ironically, that is what makes me decide to leave them be. I am spellbound. I watch them tramp, in their neat column, across the garden patch. I cannot explain why, but it is hypnotic. Ants... such interesting creatures.

A suppressed peal of laughter makes my head snap up sharply.

Ah. My friends are laughing at me. They have been standing at a distance watching me watch the ants for goodness knows how long. I glance at the ants one last time, they are now making their way into the anthill. With a smile, I look up again, and I join my friends.

The memory faded, blending into reality. I am sitting beside a pond, looking into its clear waters. Scores of tiny, baby fishes, but a few days old, wriggle around the edges of the pond. I watch as they try to escape becoming food to the bigger fish in the pond. At first I am indignant. But then I realise, it is but one of the natural cycles in life. It still disturbs me, and I am pleased when I see most of the baby fishes swim to a corner none of the big fish can reach.

Another memory intrudes upon my thoughts. I welcome this memory. It is him. He asks me what I am thinking of.

I told him how I used to watch the ants alone, and I thought of that while watching the fishes.

He asks if there is anything else I would rather do.

I answer, I would rather sit here and watch baby fishes with you. I mean, I don't care what we do. As long as I'm with you.

-Caitlin K.-

More than just a crush.


... because you cower behind the cover of anonymity.

A post/story by my cousin, Jasryn. I think she writes well. Click here for the link to her blog.

That Girl
by Jasryn Ng

Who is she?

I look at her. Some people think she's a pretty girl but honestly, I've never seen it. I stare hard, so hard that my eyes hurt and little black spots appear so I can't see properly. I blink them away and concentrate on the face in front of me trying to drag out some redeeming feature, one, single little thing to help me understand what people see in her. But I can find nothing. What do all you people see in her? There some people you simply cannot like. It's not that she's ugly. I wouldn't say she was pretty but she isn't ugly. I just find her unplesant to look at. I'm sure that has nothing to do with her actual physical face. It's just her that I don't like.

Who is she? She is my close friend.

I am contradictory. I don't like the way her hair is parted to the right but I know that if she parted it left, I wouldn't like it either. I do not like her tanned skin but if she were fair, that wouldn't have gone down well with me either. I do not like her straight hair but I'm sure if it were curly, I'd find that disagreeable as well. I think her brown hair makes her look trampy but if she were blonde, I'd call her slutty. There is no pleasing me. I am contrary. I don't like her and that's never going to change. You can't make me. Call me ridiculous if you will, call me vindictive if you must but don't ever call me dishonest. She is not a nice girl. Everyone thinks she is but nobody knows. She is not a nice girl. I would know.

Who is she? She is my worst enemy.

I look at her purple nail polish and think that it should be pink. I look at her clothes and they look all wrong. I look at her hair and its hideous. Looking at her brings up this feeling of displeasure. Her face just annoys me. So I look into her brown eyes that I think should be green and tell her to her disagreeable face, I don't like you. Nobody does. And I laugh at the way her face falls. I see right through her. Right through her act. She can't hide from me. I can see the things she tries to hide. I see it in the tilt of her chin, the stiffness of her back, the gaunt haunted frame, the pain in her eyes. I see the way she flinches and averts her gaze, biting her lip. I hate looking at her but I see her most clearly. She can't lie to me. I see her for everything that she is and everything that she's not. I hate her. I truly hate her. I imagine slapping her across the face. So hard that the mark of my hand will scar that face. That the force of my anger will scar that girl. Payback. And it still wouldn't be enough. Anger boils. Fists clench.

Who is she? I turn away from the mirror.

I ask nothing of you.

Monday, 2 February 2009


... because some things can never be.

"Can't be a two, there's one there.. no, not an eight either, hmm. One, four, nine.. Nine," she muttered, her brow creased into a thoughtful frown as she scribbled the number in the little box.

Two minutes later, she tossed the confounded Sudoku which couldn't be solved onto the table and brushed her fingers through her hair roughly. Sighing tragically and putting on a martyred expression, she uncurled herself from her favourite sofa.

"So many things to do, so little time.. there's the cooking, and the cleaning, and the laundry and, oh confound it all!" she thought to herself.

Kayla impatiently pushed the "Power On" button on her laptop and drummed her fingers on the glass table as she waited for it to come out of sleep mode. The log on screen finally came on, and fingers flying over the keys, she typed her password and hit "Enter". Once her desktop finished loading, she clicked open five webpages at once, expertly flicking over to another while one was loading. Double-clicking the Messenger icon, she signed in and did what she always did first - check whether he was online. Having completed her usual routine on the computer in under the usual five minutes and finding nothing of interest, she set her Messenger status to "Away" and was about to indulge in some choice swear words (cooking was SO not her thing), when something orange on the taskbar flashed. Automatically clicking the chat window open, she smiled as she saw who had sent her a message. She lowered herself onto her chair, tucking one leg under her and began to type.

Two hours and a VERY long online conversation later, Kayla stood up and stretched. Right on cue, the house phone rang. The moment she picked it up and said hello, a familiar voice spoke rapidly.

"Hey dear, what are you doing?? OMG, I have so many things to tell you!!"

"Haha, hi Trinni, you're hyper as always. I'm not doing much, why don't you come to my place and tell me everything?"

"Okay, I'll see you in a few!! Bye!"

Laughing at her friend's jovial spirit, Kayla hung up the phone. For a moment, she looked dismally at the mounting pile of dirty clothes and thought of the food she had yet to cook, but then shrugged it off.
There's always tomorrow, and I'll definitely do it tomorrow, she thought. Anyway, sometimes sacrifices need to be made.. then she smiled again as her thoughts turned to her conversation with him.

A knock on her apartment door drove her thoughts towards curiousity at what her friend had to say to her.

4 hours later...

"Goodness, our girl talk sessions always last so long, although I don't feel as if even one hour has passed! I've got to head off now, dear, but don't forget what I said about him being your true love, okay?? I just KNOW. Don't argue with me, kay? Love you, bye!"

"Alright, alright, Trinni, whatever you say," Kayla said while rolling her eyes at her friend. "Take care, alright! See you soon!"

As Kayla shut the door behind Trinni, her mind drifted to Trinni's proclamation that
he was her true love.

"I mean, come on, you talk to him so often! Like, always. Don't give me that look! Your face lights up when you talk about him. It really does, there's no use denying it!" Trinni had exclaimed, despite Kayla's many protests that they were just

"Oh it's no use talking to you while you're SO in denial. You'll see that I'm right, one day, mark my words!" Trinni had finally said after receiving nothing but negatives from her.

Kayla straightened up the cushions on the sofa and tidied up the place, all the while thinking, "What nonsense! He and I both know that we're just really good friends. In any case, nothing is happening between us. I don't like him, and I probably never will, so that's that".

Little did Kayla know that she had never in her life been more mistaken. Two years passed, with nothing of any particular significance to note, with the exception of Kayla's growing discontentment with her relationship with him. There was nothing wrong with their friendship, nothing at all, and that was the problem. They were still just friends. Just friends, like all the years before, and probably for all the years to come.

"Trinni, I can't help it.. I want to forget about it, but I can't, I just can't," Kayla said with a sigh as her fingers tightened their grip on the phone.

"I know, dear, I know, it's hard. But why let go, when you still have hope?" Trinni asked.

"Because nothing's happening! And nothing is going to happen, I just know it," Kayla exclaimed melodramatically.

"Of course nothing's happening, you're not telling him how you feel!"

"But I know that he knows. I'm sure he knows. And I would never say it first. Call me old-fashioned, but I still firmly believe that the guy should be doing that, not the girl!"

"Goodness, you really are an old fashioned romantic. But I guess that's one of the things that makes you so ...... you".


"But anyway, if that's the case, there's really nothing you can do that you haven't already done. I'd tell you to just get over it, except that I know it's really much easier said than done".

"I knew you'd understand".

"So, well.. you know, even though this sounds kind of mean and like, using people to your own advantage and stuff, but I still think the best way to get over a guy is to like another guy altogether".

"I know. And it's not like there aren't any other guys. It's just that the 'what ifs' are killing me when it comes right down to it. And I wouldn't, I couldn't, like two guys at once. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings either, by being only half there, you know?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right, if you put it that way. What can I say? Right now, all you have is two choices. One, forget about it and move on. Two, continue waiting, like you've been waiting all this while. Most people would tell you to choose option one, because it's been so long and nothing's happened. But until you find the willpower to give him up, you're not going to be able to do that. So it looks like you don't have much of a choice, huh?" Trinni said wryly.

Kayla bit back a sigh of frustration. "I just wish I knew what he was thinking. It would be so much easier if I only knew what was going on! It would be so much easier to get over it, if only he went and hooked up with some girl or something".

"I guess that's the problem with decent chaps," Trinni exclaimed with a laugh.

"Yeah. Guess I can't do anything for now. Anyway, I need to be off. Thanks for listening, I really appreciate it".

"Don't worry about it, I'm here anytime you need me. Take care, now!"

"I will, thanks, you too".

After putting the phone down, Kayla stared unseeingly at the small black ink spot on the white wall in front of her. Images of him flashed into her mind's eye. They were nothing but memories. She shut her eyes and exhaled slowly as she suppressed the recollections, one by one. She knew what she should do, what she had to do, if she was ever going to get on with her life. She also knew that she was not going to be able to do it anytime soon. Another sigh escaped her as she began to go through her daily routine.

Days passed, weeks passed. Kayla went through a roller coaster of emotions, sometimes feeling exulted that she had gotten over him, but only to despair, as her willpower crumbled a few days later. I'm over it, I'm moving on, she kept telling herself. It didn't make any difference. He still said nothing. But no matter what she kept telling herself, there was always, always, a tiny stirring of hope in her heart. Tiny, faint, maybe, but still there. Kayla tried to stamp out the tiny flicker. Nothing is going to happen, she said to herself. But once in a while, he would do something that made the flicker turn into a full-fledged bonfire. And a few days later it would subside back into a tiny flame.

Months passed. Slowly, Kayla felt her feelings for him begin to dull. There was still no one else that could take his place, but there were also no more fireworks, no more bonfires, and there was no tiny flicker of hope. All that was left was memories, not enough to light the flames again. But still, she held on. She did not know why anymore, but she still held on.

The phone rang.

"Kayla. Hey. You're not going to like this.." Trinni began.

"What is it? Tell me".

"Go to his profile. Picture 8".

"Alright, I'll check it out, thanks".

"Don't thank me yet," Trinni had said before putting down the phone.

Kayla walked to the computer. As soon as the screen came on, she opened the website and went to his profile with practiced speed. Picture 8. Click. She drummed her fingers on the keyboard while waiting for the picture to load.

Seven seconds later, the picture had loaded.

Two hours later, Kayla still had not moved.

The picture on the screen had not changed.

And as Kayla stared angrily through her tears at the picture of him and the girl, she felt the last shred of her feelings for him finally fade.

-Caitlin K.-

I'm ready to give up everything for this.