Disgruntled.

                In more ways than one.

No motivation to blog.

OMG, Jia Yi, I feel like killing those people. Okay, maybe killing is too strong a word. But yeah, I'm trying to make a point here.

That's NOT the way it happened, and it's not my fault that some people can't understand the word "No". Or can't respect your decisions. Or whatever.

I'm very disgruntled.

I lost my black pen ............ AGAIN.

I'm feeling emo.

Sometimes you need to be a coward to be courageous.

GO AWAY.

*sniff*

P.S - HAPPY BIRTHDAY LI WERN !!!! =)

This day I will marry my friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.

Underneath the facade.

Environment & Development tutorial was cancelled today. =) On account of the whole field trip on Sunday thing. At least, I think it was cancelled. Haha.

Luckily, too. My cousin (from Sydney) got lost in Melbourne. Hehe. He was supposed to go to Wilson Hall in Melbourne University for some Open Day thing, and the taxi driver didn't know where to go.

ANYWAY. I was supposed to spend the free time doing my Psychology essay, BUT... heheh. I read a bit of the references, then I got distracted. Ended up playing minesweeper. Die lah, seriously. =P

*updated*

Ooh, Maths finished early too. Bell (lecturer) teaches like, SO SUPER FAST. Last week of Maths 1A next week, then we'll go back to our original classes before the 1A and 1B split. I am proud to say that I have endured and survived 4 (soon to be 5) weeks of Maths 1A, which, I conclude, was not as hard as everybody thought it was going to be. I mean, I'm not saying it's easy, but the way everyone was talking about it, it seemed very difficult. But then again, I probably would not have been able to understand a thing, if I didn't have extra help from my wonderful Maths tutor, Allan. Seriously, he's amazing. He's been like, coming early to work to help me with Maths during my free periods. So kind right? =)

Oh yes, so Maths finished early, so I decided to go disturb my cousin in Wilson Hall. They were having a Career's Day for Melbourne University students there, so yeahhh, he was there representing.... I have no idea what company he works for. He told me, but I conveniently forgot what it was. =) Apparently he volunteered to come for this thing just because it was in Melbourne, and around my campus. I didn't believe him. But whatever. =) So yeah, met up with him and talked for a bit, then he had to go back, because he's flying back to Sydney today.

I'm bored. Again, the plan was to come back, and do my Psychology essay. Again, I got distracted. How la wei..... 

By the way, I STILL TOTALLY LOVE PRIDE & PREJUDICE.

I love you .... most ardently.

Psychology.

OMG, I rock.

After like, searching for a few hours a day.. I have finally found TWO amazing websites I can use for my essay. Or, well, two websites that have everything there is to be had. Bits and pieces from everywhere else. Now all I have to do is FIT THE BITS AND PIECES TOGETHER.

But no enthusiasm this time. Really no "oomph". Howwww? *sniff*

My back hurts. Like, really, really badly. =(

I'm doing my head in with everything that's going on.

I should stop thinking so much.

Stop.

JUST STOP.

Stop thinking.

Let fate decide.

I'm sleepy. It's only 9.42 p.m. I WOULD go to bed, but I REALLY want to do as much of my essay as possible tonight. I really, really should get on to it. I'm BEHIND. It's due.... soon. August 14th or 16th or something like that. Whatever. Too close for my liking. I should have finished it by now. *sob*

*weary tone*

Psychology essay, here I comeeeeeeeee .............

I tried, but I couldn't, because I kept wondering what might-have-been.

Fall for You.

I woke up at 5 am today. To go to the gym. And then to go to Geelong. Environment and Development assignment. Worth 20%. Don't ask.

Tiring lah. And now I've got to cook fish and write my Psychology essay.

*groan*

Oh, and Shereen Tan reminded me of this song when we were on the train to Geelong (it takes 45 minutes to 1 hour to get there by the way).

FALL FOR YOU - Secondhand Seranade

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting

Could it be that we have been this way before

I know you don't think that I ain't trying

I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you

Over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended

I always swore to you I'd never fall apart

You always thought that I was stronger

I may have failed

But I have loved you from the start

Ohhhh

But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you

Over again

Don't make me change my mind

Oh I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

It's impossible

So breathe in so deep

Breathe me in

I'm yours to keep

And hold onto your words

'Cause talk is cheap

And remember me tonight

When you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you

Over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you

Over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you is impossible to find

You're impossible to find

The lyrics are amazing. Sooooooo nice! =)=) Now if a guy could come up with something like that for me ........ *melt*

Heheh.

WHAAAAAT?

Sweet mar. =D

You were/are right. I still haven't let go. I was/am in denial.

Let's start over. Hi, I'm me. And you are ..... ?

Bloody Internet.

             Not so much the internet, actually.

It's more like ...

You know normally, when you're searching for something? Like, song lyrics, or pictures, or movies, etc., all you have to do is type in a phrase and hit 'enter', and the website you want will probably be in one of the first three websites displayed? And it takes like, literally 5 seconds?

NOT SO FOR PSYCHOLOGY ARTICLES.

Do you have ANY IDEA how long it takes to find recent information about science from reputable sources on the internet?

I'm going to tell you anyway.

FOREVER.

It takes forever.

Omg, most of the stuuuuuuuupid websites right, you need to be a member, subscriber .... WHICH MEANS YOU NEED TO PAY MONEY TO ACCESS THE INFORMATION. So irritating okay! So right, I read the link, and I happily click on it, thinking, "Great, this will give me the information I need!" AND THEN.

*sigh*

I'm not done searching for sources. I'm NOWHERE near done. I have NOWHERE near enough for my essay. Damn it, I'm beginning to think that the good results I got last term were a fluke. Because if they weren't a fluke, then I'd know what to do now, wouldn't I? At least, know where to start looking. Or even know where to START. Omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg.

OKAY, on to happier topics.

Have I ever mentioned how amazing this book is?

I feel like reading it again. =(

"Love is thrilling, especially forbidden love, but passion fades and becomes familiarity. And familiarity becomes boredom. When the thrill has gone between you, do you think she will never look back at what she was, and what she might have been, and wish she had never met you? If you love her, free her. For her own sake. Let her live on to love again and again" (Canavan 2008).

Canavan, T. (2008). Age of the Five: Voice of the Gods. United Kindom: Orbit.

Haha. I'm pretty sure that something's wrong with my referencing. OH WELL. But yes, I WANT TO READ STORY BOOK !!!

And another amazing book (that hasn't been released yet, but will be coming out on September 20th 2008):

Omgomgomg, THIRD BOOK OF THE INHERITANCE SERIES! 1st book was "Eragon", 2nd was "Eldest". And it was supposed to be a trilogy, at first, but apparently Christopher Paolini couldn't fit the story into three books. BUT THAT'S GOOD. Means the story won't end so fast. On the other hand, longer wait to find out how it ends. =(

WHATEVER. The books coming out soon. I am SO reading it. I can imagine myself curling up on the couch reading the book. *dreamy sigh*

BACK TO PSYCHOLOGY.

You never know what you've got, until it's gone.

Musings.

It's been a long time since I've felt that way.

Is it just me, or does it get a little lonely sometimes?

But I've got to get my head straight first. Studies and all are the priority for now, aren't they? I don't want to lose focus again, I don't want to go back there. I ... oh, I don't know. My mind is whirling with all these thoughts ... When I see people around me, my friends, strangers whoever .............................................. 

Me, well ... like I said, I don't want to go back there. I push people away, you know? But sometimes it gets.. GAH, what am I even saying..

THE TIME WILL COME.

I hope.

Stop it. *slaps self*

Focus.

Yes, focus. That's what I need to do. Focus.

Focus on what's important.

Those things will come later on.

Am I being too uptight, too anal?

Maybe because, again - I just refuse to go back there. You know the saying, "the night darkens before the dawn"? That time .. that was the pitch black time. And now is the dawn. And I want it to stay this way. The dawn. And it gets brighter and brighter and brighter, you know? Yes. Sorry. It's just ... rough time recently, I guess. But that's no excuse. Don't let things get to me. Yes. That's the way to go. Poker face. Unemotional. Think rationally. That's why I'm saying all this now.

"You've been my anchor all this while.. holding me back when I wasn't ready to move on, keeping me standing tall when there was a storm. You were there for me, and you held on steadfastly. I've been waiting and waiting for the right time to come, but it never came; we both just weren't ready to let go of fear. And now the time has come ... the time has finally come. Not the right time, but the time to let go, and the time to move on. Drifting where the seas might take me, swimming where the currents might flow. In my heart a glowing hope, that we might one day meet again.. this time as friends, and no more."

I'm sick and tired of playing this cat-and-mouse game, and I've waited long enough. I can't wait for you to come out of hiding because I don't know what's going on, so that's why I'm just moving along.