EXPECT NOTHING
and you will not be disappointed.
Disclaimer: Do not read too much into it. It may not be what you think it is.
It's hard to forget.
You have no idea. No. Friggin'. Idea.
You have no idea. No. Friggin'. Idea.
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
Sense.
... because how else can you expect someone to be reasonable?
EXPECT NOTHING
and you will not be disappointed.
EXPECT NOTHING
and you will not be disappointed.
Control.
... because you need to keep up appearances.
1. I love reading story books. Adventure, Chic Lit, Fantasy, Classics.. you name it. I *think* I started reading when I was 3, you know those Peter and Jane books? The first book I really read on my own was about some little girl doing ballet, I was maybe 4 or 5 years old. I remember I didn't understand the word "help", so I underlined it and asked mum what it was when she came back from work. =) Oh, and when I'm really into the book, I totally tune out from reality, I don't answer if people call my name and stuff, because I don't hear it. XD
2. I love sports. Or just being active in general. I'd love to climb a mountain some day. Trek through rainforests. Figure skating, running, swimming, basketball, bowling, rock climbing, whatever. I'm game, yo. =) Oh except like, netball. And volleyball. Yeah those are sort of more girl sports right. But I never got the hang of it. Daymn what does that say about me. XD
3. I used to take 2 hours to eat when I was younger. No kidding. Solid two hours. In the early primary school years. I'd just play around with my food on my plate. Heh. Oh, and I used to eat everything separately, like, finish the plain rice first, then meat, then whatever else there was, then only the vegetables.
4. I love the smell of leather. Like, in new cars and leather clothes and all. Whaaaaaaaaat? It smells good. Oooooooh, so does freshly cut grass. =)
5. When I was a little kid, apparently I thought that dead animals could be revived. Like, there was once I saw a dead bird on the road, and I asked why it was lying on the floor. My mum said it was dead, to which I promptly replied, "Put new batteries!!". Yeaaahhhhh.
6. I've always wanted the whole magic/fairy tale world etc. to exist. Like, fairies, wands, elves, talking animals... =)=)=)
7. I associate certain colours with certain things. Eg. Black - emo/classy. White - pure (like my name- Caitlin means pure, by the way HEEE xp). Green - nature. Red - anger (most of the time)/roses.
8. I don't care what people say about the things I do (if I think I'm doing the right thing), but I do care about what people think of me (most of the time, but sometimes I just can't be bothered).
9. I like being prepared for stuff, which explains why I have a ridiculously heavy bag to carry every time I go out. You never know what you may need. ;)
10. I wish I knew what really went on in outer space, whether there really are other living creatures on other planets, and whether they are watching what we do and stuff. I also wish I knew the future of the Earth, what's going to happen to it and all that.
11. I want to make a difference in the world. 'nuff said.
12. I am actually a very emo person. But y'all already knew that. =P I do the whole reading between the lines thing, too much, most of the time, to my own detriment.
13. I drink like, five 600ml bottles of water a day, at least. That's .. oooh, that's like 3000 ml. 3 Litres. Hmmm. WEM, water is good for health, complexion and all that. =P
14. I day dream a lot. Needless to say, I have a lot of castles in the air.. =) But I can also stare at something for no particular reason for a very long time and be thinking of nothing.
15. I can't stand things written in not-so-proper English. I mean, not to say that my English is amazing or anything, really. I make mistakes too. But like, especially online, shortening words and all that? Honestly, how hard is it to type out like, one or two more alphabets? There's no word limit to keep to, like in text messages and stuff. I don't know, I just have an itch to correct the wrong things, spelling, grammar, whatever. Heh. OCD, maybe? =P
16. I am not an interesting person. Seriously. I never really have anything to say or add to the conversation.. has anyone noticed? =P
I tag: Jasryn, Li Ying, Su Ping, Li May, Kimberly. Because that's the first 5 names that came into my head (and everyone else has already been tagged/done the tag).
Tagged by Michele.
DIRECTIONS:
Once you've been tagged, you have to list down 16 random things, habits or goals about you. Lastly, choose five people to be tagged, listing their names, and why you chose them.
Once you've been tagged, you have to list down 16 random things, habits or goals about you. Lastly, choose five people to be tagged, listing their names, and why you chose them.
1. I love reading story books. Adventure, Chic Lit, Fantasy, Classics.. you name it. I *think* I started reading when I was 3, you know those Peter and Jane books? The first book I really read on my own was about some little girl doing ballet, I was maybe 4 or 5 years old. I remember I didn't understand the word "help", so I underlined it and asked mum what it was when she came back from work. =) Oh, and when I'm really into the book, I totally tune out from reality, I don't answer if people call my name and stuff, because I don't hear it. XD
2. I love sports. Or just being active in general. I'd love to climb a mountain some day. Trek through rainforests. Figure skating, running, swimming, basketball, bowling, rock climbing, whatever. I'm game, yo. =) Oh except like, netball. And volleyball. Yeah those are sort of more girl sports right. But I never got the hang of it. Daymn what does that say about me. XD
3. I used to take 2 hours to eat when I was younger. No kidding. Solid two hours. In the early primary school years. I'd just play around with my food on my plate. Heh. Oh, and I used to eat everything separately, like, finish the plain rice first, then meat, then whatever else there was, then only the vegetables.
4. I love the smell of leather. Like, in new cars and leather clothes and all. Whaaaaaaaaat? It smells good. Oooooooh, so does freshly cut grass. =)
5. When I was a little kid, apparently I thought that dead animals could be revived. Like, there was once I saw a dead bird on the road, and I asked why it was lying on the floor. My mum said it was dead, to which I promptly replied, "Put new batteries!!". Yeaaahhhhh.
6. I've always wanted the whole magic/fairy tale world etc. to exist. Like, fairies, wands, elves, talking animals... =)=)=)
7. I associate certain colours with certain things. Eg. Black - emo/classy. White - pure (like my name- Caitlin means pure, by the way HEEE xp). Green - nature. Red - anger (most of the time)/roses.
8. I don't care what people say about the things I do (if I think I'm doing the right thing), but I do care about what people think of me (most of the time, but sometimes I just can't be bothered).
9. I like being prepared for stuff, which explains why I have a ridiculously heavy bag to carry every time I go out. You never know what you may need. ;)
10. I wish I knew what really went on in outer space, whether there really are other living creatures on other planets, and whether they are watching what we do and stuff. I also wish I knew the future of the Earth, what's going to happen to it and all that.
11. I want to make a difference in the world. 'nuff said.
12. I am actually a very emo person. But y'all already knew that. =P I do the whole reading between the lines thing, too much, most of the time, to my own detriment.
13. I drink like, five 600ml bottles of water a day, at least. That's .. oooh, that's like 3000 ml. 3 Litres. Hmmm. WEM, water is good for health, complexion and all that. =P
14. I day dream a lot. Needless to say, I have a lot of castles in the air.. =) But I can also stare at something for no particular reason for a very long time and be thinking of nothing.
15. I can't stand things written in not-so-proper English. I mean, not to say that my English is amazing or anything, really. I make mistakes too. But like, especially online, shortening words and all that? Honestly, how hard is it to type out like, one or two more alphabets? There's no word limit to keep to, like in text messages and stuff. I don't know, I just have an itch to correct the wrong things, spelling, grammar, whatever. Heh. OCD, maybe? =P
16. I am not an interesting person. Seriously. I never really have anything to say or add to the conversation.. has anyone noticed? =P
I tag: Jasryn, Li Ying, Su Ping, Li May, Kimberly. Because that's the first 5 names that came into my head (and everyone else has already been tagged/done the tag).
Game Over.
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
Choice.
... because it makes all the difference.
.jpg)
.jpg)
I watch as the column of ants slowly make their way back to their turf. They're so tiny, I remember myself thinking. All it takes is one careless sweep, and they cease to exist.
And yet.. there is a beauty in that insignificant column of ants, one that I cannot explain. My gaze does not waver, my attention does not shift from the small, black bodies carried around by six scurrying legs each. I watch, fascinated, as they stop before a fist sized rock. So easy, it is so easy to squash them all, to wipe out their pitiful lives. I lift up the rock. It is not even heavy to my seemingly gigantic hand. Trustingly, naively, the ants continue to march forward as soon as their obstacle is removed. Ironically, that is what makes me decide to leave them be. I am spellbound. I watch them tramp, in their neat column, across the garden patch. I cannot explain why, but it is hypnotic. Ants... such interesting creatures.
A suppressed peal of laughter makes my head snap up sharply.
Ah. My friends are laughing at me. They have been standing at a distance watching me watch the ants for goodness knows how long. I glance at the ants one last time, they are now making their way into the anthill. With a smile, I look up again, and I join my friends.
The memory faded, blending into reality. I am sitting beside a pond, looking into its clear waters. Scores of tiny, baby fishes, but a few days old, wriggle around the edges of the pond. I watch as they try to escape becoming food to the bigger fish in the pond. At first I am indignant. But then I realise, it is but one of the natural cycles in life. It still disturbs me, and I am pleased when I see most of the baby fishes swim to a corner none of the big fish can reach.
Another memory intrudes upon my thoughts. I welcome this memory. It is him. He asks me what I am thinking of.
I told him how I used to watch the ants alone, and I thought of that while watching the fishes.
He asks if there is anything else I would rather do.
A suppressed peal of laughter makes my head snap up sharply.
Ah. My friends are laughing at me. They have been standing at a distance watching me watch the ants for goodness knows how long. I glance at the ants one last time, they are now making their way into the anthill. With a smile, I look up again, and I join my friends.
The memory faded, blending into reality. I am sitting beside a pond, looking into its clear waters. Scores of tiny, baby fishes, but a few days old, wriggle around the edges of the pond. I watch as they try to escape becoming food to the bigger fish in the pond. At first I am indignant. But then I realise, it is but one of the natural cycles in life. It still disturbs me, and I am pleased when I see most of the baby fishes swim to a corner none of the big fish can reach.
Another memory intrudes upon my thoughts. I welcome this memory. It is him. He asks me what I am thinking of.
I told him how I used to watch the ants alone, and I thought of that while watching the fishes.
He asks if there is anything else I would rather do.
I answer, I would rather sit here and watch baby fishes with you. I mean, I don't care what we do. As long as I'm with you.
TheEnd
-Caitlin K.-
-Caitlin K.-
More than just a crush.
Cowardice.
... because you cower behind the cover of anonymity.
A post/story by my cousin, Jasryn. I think she writes well. Click here for the link to her blog.
A post/story by my cousin, Jasryn. I think she writes well. Click here for the link to her blog.
That Girl
by Jasryn Ng
by Jasryn Ng
Who is she?
I look at her. Some people think she's a pretty girl but honestly, I've never seen it. I stare hard, so hard that my eyes hurt and little black spots appear so I can't see properly. I blink them away and concentrate on the face in front of me trying to drag out some redeeming feature, one, single little thing to help me understand what people see in her. But I can find nothing. What do all you people see in her? There some people you simply cannot like. It's not that she's ugly. I wouldn't say she was pretty but she isn't ugly. I just find her unplesant to look at. I'm sure that has nothing to do with her actual physical face. It's just her that I don't like.
Who is she? She is my close friend.
I am contradictory. I don't like the way her hair is parted to the right but I know that if she parted it left, I wouldn't like it either. I do not like her tanned skin but if she were fair, that wouldn't have gone down well with me either. I do not like her straight hair but I'm sure if it were curly, I'd find that disagreeable as well. I think her brown hair makes her look trampy but if she were blonde, I'd call her slutty. There is no pleasing me. I am contrary. I don't like her and that's never going to change. You can't make me. Call me ridiculous if you will, call me vindictive if you must but don't ever call me dishonest. She is not a nice girl. Everyone thinks she is but nobody knows. She is not a nice girl. I would know.
Who is she? She is my worst enemy.
I look at her purple nail polish and think that it should be pink. I look at her clothes and they look all wrong. I look at her hair and its hideous. Looking at her brings up this feeling of displeasure. Her face just annoys me. So I look into her brown eyes that I think should be green and tell her to her disagreeable face, I don't like you. Nobody does. And I laugh at the way her face falls. I see right through her. Right through her act. She can't hide from me. I can see the things she tries to hide. I see it in the tilt of her chin, the stiffness of her back, the gaunt haunted frame, the pain in her eyes. I see the way she flinches and averts her gaze, biting her lip. I hate looking at her but I see her most clearly. She can't lie to me. I see her for everything that she is and everything that she's not. I hate her. I truly hate her. I imagine slapping her across the face. So hard that the mark of my hand will scar that face. That the force of my anger will scar that girl. Payback. And it still wouldn't be enough. Anger boils. Fists clench.
Who is she? I turn away from the mirror.
I ask nothing of you.
Monday, 2 February 2009
Understanding.
... because some things can never be.
"Can't be a two, there's one there.. no, not an eight either, hmm. One, four, nine.. Nine," she muttered, her brow creased into a thoughtful frown as she scribbled the number in the little box.
Two minutes later, she tossed the confounded Sudoku which couldn't be solved onto the table and brushed her fingers through her hair roughly. Sighing tragically and putting on a martyred expression, she uncurled herself from her favourite sofa.
"So many things to do, so little time.. there's the cooking, and the cleaning, and the laundry and, oh confound it all!" she thought to herself.
Kayla impatiently pushed the "Power On" button on her laptop and drummed her fingers on the glass table as she waited for it to come out of sleep mode. The log on screen finally came on, and fingers flying over the keys, she typed her password and hit "Enter". Once her desktop finished loading, she clicked open five webpages at once, expertly flicking over to another while one was loading. Double-clicking the Messenger icon, she signed in and did what she always did first - check whether he was online. Having completed her usual routine on the computer in under the usual five minutes and finding nothing of interest, she set her Messenger status to "Away" and was about to indulge in some choice swear words (cooking was SO not her thing), when something orange on the taskbar flashed. Automatically clicking the chat window open, she smiled as she saw who had sent her a message. She lowered herself onto her chair, tucking one leg under her and began to type.
Two hours and a VERY long online conversation later, Kayla stood up and stretched. Right on cue, the house phone rang. The moment she picked it up and said hello, a familiar voice spoke rapidly.
"Hey dear, what are you doing?? OMG, I have so many things to tell you!!"
"Haha, hi Trinni, you're hyper as always. I'm not doing much, why don't you come to my place and tell me everything?"
"Okay, I'll see you in a few!! Bye!"
Laughing at her friend's jovial spirit, Kayla hung up the phone. For a moment, she looked dismally at the mounting pile of dirty clothes and thought of the food she had yet to cook, but then shrugged it off. There's always tomorrow, and I'll definitely do it tomorrow, she thought. Anyway, sometimes sacrifices need to be made.. then she smiled again as her thoughts turned to her conversation with him.
A knock on her apartment door drove her thoughts towards curiousity at what her friend had to say to her.
4 hours later...
"Goodness, our girl talk sessions always last so long, although I don't feel as if even one hour has passed! I've got to head off now, dear, but don't forget what I said about him being your true love, okay?? I just KNOW. Don't argue with me, kay? Love you, bye!"
"Alright, alright, Trinni, whatever you say," Kayla said while rolling her eyes at her friend. "Take care, alright! See you soon!"
As Kayla shut the door behind Trinni, her mind drifted to Trinni's proclamation that he was her true love.
"I mean, come on, you talk to him so often! Like, always. Don't give me that look! Your face lights up when you talk about him. It really does, there's no use denying it!" Trinni had exclaimed, despite Kayla's many protests that they were just friends.
"Oh it's no use talking to you while you're SO in denial. You'll see that I'm right, one day, mark my words!" Trinni had finally said after receiving nothing but negatives from her.
Kayla straightened up the cushions on the sofa and tidied up the place, all the while thinking, "What nonsense! He and I both know that we're just really good friends. In any case, nothing is happening between us. I don't like him, and I probably never will, so that's that".
Little did Kayla know that she had never in her life been more mistaken. Two years passed, with nothing of any particular significance to note, with the exception of Kayla's growing discontentment with her relationship with him. There was nothing wrong with their friendship, nothing at all, and that was the problem. They were still just friends. Just friends, like all the years before, and probably for all the years to come.
"Trinni, I can't help it.. I want to forget about it, but I can't, I just can't," Kayla said with a sigh as her fingers tightened their grip on the phone.
"I know, dear, I know, it's hard. But why let go, when you still have hope?" Trinni asked.
"Because nothing's happening! And nothing is going to happen, I just know it," Kayla exclaimed melodramatically.
"Of course nothing's happening, you're not telling him how you feel!"
"But I know that he knows. I'm sure he knows. And I would never say it first. Call me old-fashioned, but I still firmly believe that the guy should be doing that, not the girl!"
"Goodness, you really are an old fashioned romantic. But I guess that's one of the things that makes you so ...... you".
"Thanks".
"But anyway, if that's the case, there's really nothing you can do that you haven't already done. I'd tell you to just get over it, except that I know it's really much easier said than done".
"I knew you'd understand".
"So, well.. you know, even though this sounds kind of mean and like, using people to your own advantage and stuff, but I still think the best way to get over a guy is to like another guy altogether".
"I know. And it's not like there aren't any other guys. It's just that the 'what ifs' are killing me when it comes right down to it. And I wouldn't, I couldn't, like two guys at once. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings either, by being only half there, you know?"
"Yeah, I guess you're right, if you put it that way. What can I say? Right now, all you have is two choices. One, forget about it and move on. Two, continue waiting, like you've been waiting all this while. Most people would tell you to choose option one, because it's been so long and nothing's happened. But until you find the willpower to give him up, you're not going to be able to do that. So it looks like you don't have much of a choice, huh?" Trinni said wryly.
Kayla bit back a sigh of frustration. "I just wish I knew what he was thinking. It would be so much easier if I only knew what was going on! It would be so much easier to get over it, if only he went and hooked up with some girl or something".
"I guess that's the problem with decent chaps," Trinni exclaimed with a laugh.
"Yeah. Guess I can't do anything for now. Anyway, I need to be off. Thanks for listening, I really appreciate it".
"Don't worry about it, I'm here anytime you need me. Take care, now!"
"I will, thanks, you too".
After putting the phone down, Kayla stared unseeingly at the small black ink spot on the white wall in front of her. Images of him flashed into her mind's eye. They were nothing but memories. She shut her eyes and exhaled slowly as she suppressed the recollections, one by one. She knew what she should do, what she had to do, if she was ever going to get on with her life. She also knew that she was not going to be able to do it anytime soon. Another sigh escaped her as she began to go through her daily routine.
Days passed, weeks passed. Kayla went through a roller coaster of emotions, sometimes feeling exulted that she had gotten over him, but only to despair, as her willpower crumbled a few days later. I'm over it, I'm moving on, she kept telling herself. It didn't make any difference. He still said nothing. But no matter what she kept telling herself, there was always, always, a tiny stirring of hope in her heart. Tiny, faint, maybe, but still there. Kayla tried to stamp out the tiny flicker. Nothing is going to happen, she said to herself. But once in a while, he would do something that made the flicker turn into a full-fledged bonfire. And a few days later it would subside back into a tiny flame.
Months passed. Slowly, Kayla felt her feelings for him begin to dull. There was still no one else that could take his place, but there were also no more fireworks, no more bonfires, and there was no tiny flicker of hope. All that was left was memories, not enough to light the flames again. But still, she held on. She did not know why anymore, but she still held on.
The phone rang.
"Kayla. Hey. You're not going to like this.." Trinni began.
"What is it? Tell me".
"Go to his profile. Picture 8".
"Alright, I'll check it out, thanks".
"Don't thank me yet," Trinni had said before putting down the phone.
Kayla walked to the computer. As soon as the screen came on, she opened the website and went to his profile with practiced speed. Picture 8. Click. She drummed her fingers on the keyboard while waiting for the picture to load.
Seven seconds later, the picture had loaded.
Two hours later, Kayla still had not moved.
The picture on the screen had not changed.
And as Kayla stared angrily through her tears at the picture of him and the girl, she felt the last shred of her feelings for him finally fade.
I'm ready to give up everything for this.
"Can't be a two, there's one there.. no, not an eight either, hmm. One, four, nine.. Nine," she muttered, her brow creased into a thoughtful frown as she scribbled the number in the little box.
Two minutes later, she tossed the confounded Sudoku which couldn't be solved onto the table and brushed her fingers through her hair roughly. Sighing tragically and putting on a martyred expression, she uncurled herself from her favourite sofa.
"So many things to do, so little time.. there's the cooking, and the cleaning, and the laundry and, oh confound it all!" she thought to herself.
Kayla impatiently pushed the "Power On" button on her laptop and drummed her fingers on the glass table as she waited for it to come out of sleep mode. The log on screen finally came on, and fingers flying over the keys, she typed her password and hit "Enter". Once her desktop finished loading, she clicked open five webpages at once, expertly flicking over to another while one was loading. Double-clicking the Messenger icon, she signed in and did what she always did first - check whether he was online. Having completed her usual routine on the computer in under the usual five minutes and finding nothing of interest, she set her Messenger status to "Away" and was about to indulge in some choice swear words (cooking was SO not her thing), when something orange on the taskbar flashed. Automatically clicking the chat window open, she smiled as she saw who had sent her a message. She lowered herself onto her chair, tucking one leg under her and began to type.
Two hours and a VERY long online conversation later, Kayla stood up and stretched. Right on cue, the house phone rang. The moment she picked it up and said hello, a familiar voice spoke rapidly.
"Hey dear, what are you doing?? OMG, I have so many things to tell you!!"
"Haha, hi Trinni, you're hyper as always. I'm not doing much, why don't you come to my place and tell me everything?"
"Okay, I'll see you in a few!! Bye!"
Laughing at her friend's jovial spirit, Kayla hung up the phone. For a moment, she looked dismally at the mounting pile of dirty clothes and thought of the food she had yet to cook, but then shrugged it off. There's always tomorrow, and I'll definitely do it tomorrow, she thought. Anyway, sometimes sacrifices need to be made.. then she smiled again as her thoughts turned to her conversation with him.
A knock on her apartment door drove her thoughts towards curiousity at what her friend had to say to her.
4 hours later...
"Goodness, our girl talk sessions always last so long, although I don't feel as if even one hour has passed! I've got to head off now, dear, but don't forget what I said about him being your true love, okay?? I just KNOW. Don't argue with me, kay? Love you, bye!"
"Alright, alright, Trinni, whatever you say," Kayla said while rolling her eyes at her friend. "Take care, alright! See you soon!"
As Kayla shut the door behind Trinni, her mind drifted to Trinni's proclamation that he was her true love.
"I mean, come on, you talk to him so often! Like, always. Don't give me that look! Your face lights up when you talk about him. It really does, there's no use denying it!" Trinni had exclaimed, despite Kayla's many protests that they were just friends.
"Oh it's no use talking to you while you're SO in denial. You'll see that I'm right, one day, mark my words!" Trinni had finally said after receiving nothing but negatives from her.
Kayla straightened up the cushions on the sofa and tidied up the place, all the while thinking, "What nonsense! He and I both know that we're just really good friends. In any case, nothing is happening between us. I don't like him, and I probably never will, so that's that".
Little did Kayla know that she had never in her life been more mistaken. Two years passed, with nothing of any particular significance to note, with the exception of Kayla's growing discontentment with her relationship with him. There was nothing wrong with their friendship, nothing at all, and that was the problem. They were still just friends. Just friends, like all the years before, and probably for all the years to come.
"Trinni, I can't help it.. I want to forget about it, but I can't, I just can't," Kayla said with a sigh as her fingers tightened their grip on the phone.
"I know, dear, I know, it's hard. But why let go, when you still have hope?" Trinni asked.
"Because nothing's happening! And nothing is going to happen, I just know it," Kayla exclaimed melodramatically.
"Of course nothing's happening, you're not telling him how you feel!"
"But I know that he knows. I'm sure he knows. And I would never say it first. Call me old-fashioned, but I still firmly believe that the guy should be doing that, not the girl!"
"Goodness, you really are an old fashioned romantic. But I guess that's one of the things that makes you so ...... you".
"Thanks".
"But anyway, if that's the case, there's really nothing you can do that you haven't already done. I'd tell you to just get over it, except that I know it's really much easier said than done".
"I knew you'd understand".
"So, well.. you know, even though this sounds kind of mean and like, using people to your own advantage and stuff, but I still think the best way to get over a guy is to like another guy altogether".
"I know. And it's not like there aren't any other guys. It's just that the 'what ifs' are killing me when it comes right down to it. And I wouldn't, I couldn't, like two guys at once. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings either, by being only half there, you know?"
"Yeah, I guess you're right, if you put it that way. What can I say? Right now, all you have is two choices. One, forget about it and move on. Two, continue waiting, like you've been waiting all this while. Most people would tell you to choose option one, because it's been so long and nothing's happened. But until you find the willpower to give him up, you're not going to be able to do that. So it looks like you don't have much of a choice, huh?" Trinni said wryly.
Kayla bit back a sigh of frustration. "I just wish I knew what he was thinking. It would be so much easier if I only knew what was going on! It would be so much easier to get over it, if only he went and hooked up with some girl or something".
"I guess that's the problem with decent chaps," Trinni exclaimed with a laugh.
"Yeah. Guess I can't do anything for now. Anyway, I need to be off. Thanks for listening, I really appreciate it".
"Don't worry about it, I'm here anytime you need me. Take care, now!"
"I will, thanks, you too".
After putting the phone down, Kayla stared unseeingly at the small black ink spot on the white wall in front of her. Images of him flashed into her mind's eye. They were nothing but memories. She shut her eyes and exhaled slowly as she suppressed the recollections, one by one. She knew what she should do, what she had to do, if she was ever going to get on with her life. She also knew that she was not going to be able to do it anytime soon. Another sigh escaped her as she began to go through her daily routine.
Days passed, weeks passed. Kayla went through a roller coaster of emotions, sometimes feeling exulted that she had gotten over him, but only to despair, as her willpower crumbled a few days later. I'm over it, I'm moving on, she kept telling herself. It didn't make any difference. He still said nothing. But no matter what she kept telling herself, there was always, always, a tiny stirring of hope in her heart. Tiny, faint, maybe, but still there. Kayla tried to stamp out the tiny flicker. Nothing is going to happen, she said to herself. But once in a while, he would do something that made the flicker turn into a full-fledged bonfire. And a few days later it would subside back into a tiny flame.
Months passed. Slowly, Kayla felt her feelings for him begin to dull. There was still no one else that could take his place, but there were also no more fireworks, no more bonfires, and there was no tiny flicker of hope. All that was left was memories, not enough to light the flames again. But still, she held on. She did not know why anymore, but she still held on.
The phone rang.
"Kayla. Hey. You're not going to like this.." Trinni began.
"What is it? Tell me".
"Go to his profile. Picture 8".
"Alright, I'll check it out, thanks".
"Don't thank me yet," Trinni had said before putting down the phone.
Kayla walked to the computer. As soon as the screen came on, she opened the website and went to his profile with practiced speed. Picture 8. Click. She drummed her fingers on the keyboard while waiting for the picture to load.
Seven seconds later, the picture had loaded.
Two hours later, Kayla still had not moved.
The picture on the screen had not changed.
And as Kayla stared angrily through her tears at the picture of him and the girl, she felt the last shred of her feelings for him finally fade.
TheEnd.
-Caitlin K.-
-Caitlin K.-
I'm ready to give up everything for this.
Sunday, 1 February 2009
Irony.
... because of the way things came to pass.
Updates to come:
1. Family time on Friday 30/1/09
2. New stories
3. Lafite dinner pictures (from ages ago)
4. Birthday pictures (also from ages ago)
Haha, I need to put that there to remind myself, if not I'll forget.
I have two weeks left here. TWO WEEKS.
Need to get back into that semangat-ed mood for studying! And doing everything else.
I had about 3 or 4 hours of sleep.
It is 9.10 pm now.
Updates to come:
1. Family time on Friday 30/1/09
2. New stories
3. Lafite dinner pictures (from ages ago)
4. Birthday pictures (also from ages ago)
Haha, I need to put that there to remind myself, if not I'll forget.
I have two weeks left here. TWO WEEKS.
o.O
Need to get back into that semangat-ed mood for studying! And doing everything else.
I am tired.
I had about 3 or 4 hours of sleep.
It is 9.10 pm now.
I am going to sleep.
How many times are you going to let me down? Or rather, how many times am I going to let you let me down?
I've been waiting for my dreams to turn into something I can believe in.
I've been waiting for my dreams to turn into something I can believe in.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
