Respect.

... because it needs to be earned first.


I never understood why my parents didn't use to let me out, even to just meet with friends.

I never understood why in secondary school, I was only allowed out with my friends (to shopping malls, watch movies, etc.) approximately three times, once in form 3, once in form 4, and another time I can't remember when.

I never understood why my parents always had to know where I was, what I was doing, and what time I would be back.

I never understood why my parents insisted on fetching me from door to door, when others were just left to find their own way.

I never understood why my parents fussed so much over my extracurricular activities (tuitions, music classes, skating etc.).

I never understood why my parents had to be so darn strict with every single thing I did.

I never understood why my parents were so particular with things that didn't seem to matter.

I never understood why...

I never understood why...

I never understood why...

There were so many things I didn't understand. And at the time, I thought they didn't understand ME. I thought they were just out to get me. I thought the world was just consipring against me, not letting me do what I wanted to do. I thought they were wrong. I thought they were too overprotective. I thought they just wanted control over me.


Barely a year later..

I THINK I UNDERSTAND.

This time, I won't be so arrogant as to say that they don't understand me. This time, I won't be so arrogant as to say that I fully understand what they're trying to get me to do. This time, I won't tell them that they're wrong. This time, I'll trust (most of the time-heh xp) that they DO, in fact, know better.


The funny thing is, it took being away from them to realise what they've been trying to drill into my head for years (unsuccessfully, of course). It took learning to be independent to fully comprehend the meaning of the words they've been saying for years. It took going to a different continent to understand that everything they used to tell me actually made sense.


And realising that was like a ray of sunshine piercing through the storm clouds....


Actually, no, it wasn't. Heh. =P

But it was an interesting revelation.

That it wasn't just because my parents wanted control over me. That it wasn't just because they wanted to restrict my freedom. That it wasn't just because they were too scared to lose me to the point of being overprotective. That it wasn't just because they were conspiring against me to not allow me to do what I wanted to do.


I realised so many things during the course of the year in Australia. I realised that it was me who was wrong, not my parents (hey, occupational hazzard of being a teenager - you always think you're right. Not my fault. xp). I realised that all they wanted me to do was to show them that I could be responsible.


That's all they wanted.


To show them that I could be responsible.

To show them that I'd grown up.

To show them that I'd be able to make sensible decisions even when they're not around.

To show them that I'd be able to handle myself properly wherever I go.

To show them that I'd be capable of doing things on my own.

To show them that I could make the right choices even though others were more tempting.

To show them that I could bring back results.

To show them that I. Can. Be. Responsible.



Things changed, when I came back here. It's been less than a year, and already things have changed, because I have changed.


I'm still constantly surprised when I say, "Mum, I'm meeting up with so-and-so later, okay?", or "Dad, I've got a dinner thing with my friends tomorrow, can I go?", and I get a reply like, "Of course you can go, have fun" from my dad, and a reply like, "Yeah, okay. Ask your friend whether he/she wants to come over or not la. Sleepover also can" from my mum.

And then I go, "Huh, really ar?"

As with the last approximately 5 years of my life, I keep expecting the "What do you want to go for?", or the "No, so many boys, you cannot go", or the "Where are you going, it's not safe, cannot go", or the ... well, you get the gist.


And I think it all comes down to trust and respect.


Before this, I never gave my parents any reason to trust me, or even respect me. I did so many things against their wishes, and made a fool of myself to boot. I made so many mistakes that just listening to them would have prevented- obviously I didn't listen. I rebelled against everything they told me to do, and put my whole foot over the line, so many times.


And I didn't understand why they wouldn't allow me to do this and that. I didn't understand why they wouldn't allow me to do what I wanted. I didn't understand.


But since then, I've finally figured out:


Respect is mutual. I just had to respect what they wanted, and then they'd respect what I wanted. It was as simple as that.

It's a wonder I didn't realise it earlier.

So, Mum & Dad, for all the trouble I made you go through - I'm sorry.

I've finally learned, though, if not everything, at least a major portion of the values you've been trying to instill in me for a long time.

THANK YOU.

I would not be the person I am today without your guidance (and nagging and scolding and lecturing and advising and everything else).

=)

All I needed to do was to show them that I've finally grown up.