Un-forgiving

What if, what if, what if. Hah. Can't believe you're doing all this. Trusted you so much. Gave you the benefit of the doubt all the time. Through everything, nothing on my part changed. Gave you everything. And you repay me by? ......................... justifications, reasons, excuses, lies, broken promises, hurt, betrayal. Never in my life did I expect this.. Had so much faith in you, and this is what you do. You say you're sorry.. just how sorry are you? Not sorry enough to keep your promises. Not sorry enough to see what you refused to see a few months ago. Not sorry enough to trust and have faith in me. Goes to show, isn't it? I thought we were different from other people. Thought we'd truly last forever. Wonder if you remember this song? Two versions of it.. The first one, I wrote on 18th Dec 2006, Wednesday, 3 days after Jing's birthday, the day it all started.

Now you have me way confused,

I'm blinded by your fancy words,

You come across as a caring man,

With a loving and sensitive soul..

You looked straight into my heart,

And found the right place to start,

Never have I been,

So flattered by,

Anyone's attention..

You put me way up high,

Now I can't climb back down,

My head is in the clouds,

But my feet are still on the ground.

And how would I know,

If you'd ever break my heart,

And how would I know,

If you'd ever cause me sleepless nights,

And how would I know,

If I can ever trust you,

How would I know.

I don't know what to do,

Since you're so careful with your words,

Are you expecting anymore,

I don't have a clue,

You need to let me know more,

As much as I'd like to give you,

I can't face losing our special bond,

As much as I'd like to tell you,

I can't trust my instincts..

But, how would I know,

If you'd ever break my heart,

And how would I know,

If you'd ever cause me sleepless nights,

And how would I know,

If I can ever trust you,

How would I know..

I was willing to put away all the insecurities I had.. You never seemed to appreciate me, and the things I did for you.

Another version that I completed in Shenzhen, China, late at night, while Skate Asia 2006 was going on.. I wonder if you remember what happened before I left for China? The day you passed me your phone, so I could hear that song.. "Confidence", you recorded it.. And the band with the "Heart" on it. And our first .... .wonder if you remember that.

You looked straight into my heart,

And found the right place to start,

Never have I felt,

This way before,

You came into my life,

And everytime I look into your eyes,

I feel as if I've found my home,

And everytime I kiss your lips,

I feel like I've never felt before,

And you, you brought the sunshine to my life,

You brought the meaning to my world, (ohh)

I could never thank you enough,

'cuz baby,

You're my love.. (ooh yeah)

..my love....