College.

College life is fun.

No, wait.

College life in a different country, when you're on your own and have to be responsible for your own life is fun.

Not in the "I-can-do-anything-I-want-and-get-away-with-it-because-my-parents-
won't-know" kind of way, but more like..

It's hard to explain.

I was just talking to my mum just now. And this realisation has been a long time coming.


It's not that last time (in Secondary school) I didn't have time to study because I had too many tuition classes, too many piano classes, too many skating classes.. It wasn't that at all. I DID have time to study. I just never bothered trying to. I DID have time to practice piano, I DID have time to do revision. I just didn't want to. I DID have time to help out around the house, to help with the dishes or with folding the clothes. I was just too lazy to.


Ironically, in Malaysia, my mum would always nag me to do all that, study, revise, practice piano, wake up early, skate, help out around the house.. and all I did was argue back and find reasons to NOT do all those things.


And here, in Australia, when I can get away with all that.. I'm not. I didn't have to take an extra elective just because mum said to. But I did. I didn't have to join the student committee because mum wanted me to. But I did. I don't have to go for extra chemistry class every Saturday because mum makes me go. But I do. I don't have to go for the Oaktree Foundation meeting every Wednesday after class. But I will. I don't have to study at all, after 9.00 - 5.15 p.m. classes everyday, because mum's not here to tell me to. But I do. I don't have to finish up my assignments early since mum's not here to nag at me. But I do.


It's not much. But heck, it's an improvement. Considering my attitude in secondary school... *shudder*

Could I actually be growing up?

Did I actually have to be in a different country from my parents to figure all that out?

That I don't actually have a bad memory, it's just that I never bothered trying to memorise. That I'm not actually stupid, it's just that I never bothered trying to study. That it's not that I don't have time to help around the house, it's just I never wanted to. That it's not that it's in my nature to be irresponsible, it's just that I never tried to be responsible. That it's not other people's fault if I fail, it's just that I was in denial.


It's amazing, really. Feeling this way. That I can actually do things, because they're in my control. That I am responsible for my own life. That what I do now will affect my future.


I've changed. I've definitely changed. It doesn't seem to be me, yet it's me. Amazing. *shakes head*

It's the decisions we make now that will affect the next 40-50 years of our life.