Love.

.

 

A wise friend said that love can come in many different forms. I think it's true. There are so many different kinds of love.. and I guess sometimes it takes time to figure out which love is right for certain people.

I love you.

Veritas.

.

Hmm, wonder why this sounds familiar..

Haha, guilty.

You give and you give and you give, but..

It's never enough.

Arcana Imperii.

... never underestimate the unseen.

I turn and you fade away because you're not here.

Tout Seul.

... tu t'en iras tout seul.

You can pretend not to notice. Then I can pretend to not notice you pretending to not notice. And we'll all get along and be happy. Like we always do.

Poursuis ta quête, sans regarder derrière.

Numquam vadas solus.

... may you never walk alone.

Outward Bound Camp at Snowy River National Park.

28th September - 2nd October 2011.

I don't even know where to start. How do I even begin to describe it? Perhaps I should start at the beginning...

I received this email at the beginning of September from one of the Melbourne University Duke of Edinburgh's Award coordinators:

An opportunity exists for YOU to attend an Outward Bound expedition scheduled for Wednesday 28 September – Sunday 2 October. This expedition can be counted towards the Residential Project section of your Dukes Award. Outward Bound expeditions are a fantastic way to help set your goals and go beyond your comfort zone.

The cost of the Outward Bound Expedition is heavily subsidised by the University.

Just a quick overview of the Duke of Edinburgh Gold Award: It must be completed before you turn 25 years old. There are 5 criteria you must fulfill: Skill, Service, Physical Recreation, Residential Project, Adventurous Journey. 2 of either Skill, Service or Physical Recreation must be done for 12 months each, and one of the three must be done for 18 months. It requires participation in said activities for at least one hour per week for the said period of time. Residential Projects and Adventurous Journeys cannot be shorter than 5 days and 4 nights.


So. I'm pretty much done with the Skill, Service and Physical Recreation sections of the Duke of Ed Gold Award, and I'm left with the Residential Project and Adventurous Journey bits. And when I got that email, I thought, "Hey, I might as well get it done, I've heard of Outward Bound before, it sounds fun, plus it's heavily subsidised". So I signed up for it within the week. Got all my info filled up, signed the form, paid, and that was that.

What did I expect?

The typical sort of high school camp, you know, nothing too hard, you sleep in bunk beds, decent toilet and shower facilities - cold water of course, that can't be helped. Okay, well I wasn't expecting the bunk beds, I thought we'd have tents. And I thought there would be an outhouse of some sort. The packing list that they gave us vaguely hinted at the activities we'd be going through: rock climbing, abseiling, rope courses, bush walking, hiking... easy sort of stuff, didn't sound too difficult at all. I mean, heights were never really a problem for me, so pfft, easy peasy. Rope courses, bring it on! I admit I was slightly worried about the bush walking and hiking but come on, I used to be a cross country runner (disclaimer: Even though maybe I'm not neaaaarly as fit as I used to be). So hey, how hard could it be? Right?




RIGHT???

WRONG.

This camp was the

HARDEST.


FREAKIN.


THING.


I have EVER done.

We didn't have tents, we had a bivvy (also known as a bivouc) which is basically a more lightweight version of a tent. It also has open sides and does not zip up. And also does not have a base, i.e., rain water can flow through in the middle of the night.

And let me tell you, it rained.

A LOT.

Oh and the packing sheet they gave us that vaguely mentioned the activities we'd be doing? Bushwalking and hiking? The ones that didn't sound too bad? I mean, pfft, 2 kilometers, I could run that in less than 10 minutes. Welllllllllllllllllll.... if you have to carry a 15 KG PACK THAT WEIGHS A THIRD OF YOUR BODY WEIGHT.... let me tell you, it is a whole different story.

I swear I could fit into the pack.

I mean, I didn't think they'd have a cart to carry around our luggage for us, pfft, how silly would that be? *shifty eyes* No, in all seriousness, I really didn't think we would have to carry ALL our luggage with us. I mean, I honestly thought we'd be making the trip back to "base camp" once every 2 days or so.


But when this is considered "base camp":

UH OH we're in trouble, something's come along and its burst our bubble..

Oh, by the way, don't forget about the hills that you have to climb, some of which have at least a 50 DEGREE INCLINE.


See that little slope?

Yeaaaaah, that was one of the easier ones.

And oh, one more thing. It almost never stopped raining. I don't know about you, but when it rains, I actually like it. I really, really like the rain. I stay inside, snuggle up in a blanket, have a hot drink and read a book. If I get caught in the rain, I get really upset when my shoes get even a little wet.

GUESS WHAT?

All our shoes were pretty much SOAKED THROUGH for most of the camp.


Do you know how hard it is to get out of a sleeping bag at 5.30 AM, and have to put on wet socks, and wet shoes? It's not something that you can really understand until you have to do it. Don't forget, you've also hiked up some 50 degree incline slopes the day before and your feet very possibly have blisters and are extremely sore.


Take my word for it, it's HARD.


Oh, I didn't mention did I? No bathroom, no outhouse, not even a tap. 5 days. No shower. But then again that was the easiest part.

And yet........ and yet.

It was the most fantastic thing I've done in a LONG time.

Getting to the top of our little mountain after hiking almost 2 kilometers uphill.

Making friends

with some of the most awesome,

inspiring, and caring

people I have ever met.

Setting up camp in the dark, pulling ourselves up even when we don't want to, trying to light a f**king fire in the rain, keeping each other sane, eating simple meals with essence of grass *cough*Tessa*cough*, supporting each other, watching, helping, learning, being a friend...


The 5 days were tough. The rain and wet conditions made it tougher. It pretty much started when we got to camp... and only stopped when we left camp. Literally. I don't usually believe in this kind of stuff, but it's almost like it was meant to be. So.

It makes me feel like a different person.

From the bottom of my heart..

Roy, Tony, Kevin, Lauren, Zachary, Yeung-Ae, Avon, Siaw Wee, Penny, Tessa, Andrew..
April & Alex.

Thank you

for making me a better person.

for making this an experience of a lifetime.

"People will forget what you said and forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel".

You Are the Only Exception.

.

- 2500 words literature review due Sept 5th.*
- Oaktree grassroots campaign national launch event Sept 13th.**
- 3000 words literature review due Sept 16th.*


*have yet to start on .. anything.
**planning and organising and everything up till the 13th.

Conclusion: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit.

Love never dies.

Truth Be Told..

... I miss you.

And truth be told, I'm lying.

So I just got back from a weekend at Point Lonsdale, where the Oaktree National Campaigns team had our retreat. Which was basically a whole big session of deciding what was going to happen in the next 18 months and planning for it.

Sometimes I felt a little insignificant. It was hard to catch up with all the abstract concepts and the fact that all of them clearly know so much more about Australian politics and Members of Parliament than I do. And I'm the one on the National team. I wish I had more to contribute. Bah.

Anyway, on to happier things! So the retreat came right after I went back to Malaysia for like a week. Yes, a week is a very short time. But I really only had to go to renew my passport. And I had to come back to Australia early for the campaigns retreat, and also my winter subject which starts tomorrow, unfortunately. T.T

But still, it was a good week. Meeting up with friends and all that. I'm proud to say that my driving skills have escaped the ravages of time.... okay that sounded stupid. I may even have improved a little! Because now I can FINALLY (most of the time) reverse park!! Which is something I was never able to do. No idea why.

I'm feeling kind of blah now. Boo.

Do you feel this way too?

Insomnia.

.


So it's 6.10 AM now. And I still haven't gone to sleep. I tried, I swear! I've been trying to fall asleep since 1.30 AM. I played soothing music, I tried to make myself sleepy by playing Solitare over and over and over again.. I even tried listening to my mum's dhamma talks that usually get me sleeping within 5 minutes, tops.

Evidently they didn't work.

Sigh.


It probably didn't help that I slept at about 7 AM yesterday morning. Heheh. And that I woke up at 3PM.

Oh wells I'm still on holiday so it's all good =D

So anyway. On to some more serious stuff. This year, I promise myself that I will work harder at all my subjects... especially the stupid Psychology research subjects that are compulsory.

Because DAMNIT all I want for my 21st birthday present... is to graduate well and get a good job.

That's not too much to ask for, right?

Pleaaaaaaaaseeeeee?

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools...

I See the Light.

.

I See the Light - Tangled

All those days watching from the windows
All those years outside looking in
All that time never even knowing
Just how blind I've been
Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight
Now I'm here, suddenly I see
Standing here, it's all so clear
I'm where I'm meant to be

And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you

Flynn:
All those days chasing down a daydream
All those years living in a blur
All that time never truly seeing
Things, the way they were
Now she's here shining in the starlight
Now she's here, suddenly I know
If she's here it's crystal clear
I'm where I'm meant to go

Rapunzel & Flynn:
And at last I see the light

Flynn:
And it's like the fog is lifted

Rapunzel & Flynn:
And at last I see the light

Rapunzel:
And it's like the sky is new

Rapunzel & Flynn:
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once, everything is different
Now that I see you, now that I see you

And at last I see the light..

Coincidence.

.


Strange, but I actually prefer some of Sam Tsui's covers as compared to the original versions.

And just for fun:

You're an inspiration, you know.

Flashbacks.

.. to way back when.

Running away is always the easier thing to do.

Fireflies.

.

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep

'cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'cause everything is never as it seems

'cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance

A foxtrot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'cause I fee like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell

But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
'cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams.

-Fireflies, by Owl City-

When I fall asleep..

You're Amazing.

... just the way you are.

I swear, after exams are over I absolutely REFUSE to wake up.

Well, fine. I'm going to have to at some point. But I'm going to sleep for two-days-straight first.

Okay fine, maybe not two days straight.



One day.

I'm reaaaaaally looking forward to the holidays. 8 more hours. Just 8 more hours of staying up studying. Or attempting to anyway.

Just 8 more hours...

This isn't what it's supposed to be like..

Slack.

.

This post is

See?

Told ya.

Your arms are my castle, and your heart is my sky.

I can't let you go, and I want you in my life.

Procrastination

... the counterproductive deferment of actions or tasks to a later time.


So I realised that my last few sporadic blog posts have all been about procrastinating, and I was thinking, geez, do I really have nothing else to say?

But then I realised.. procrastinating is pretty much ALL I've been doing. Like exactly what I'm doing now. Procrastinating.




And this is usually my last resort when I procrastinate. Blogging, I mean. 'cause I'm too lazy to. AndI tell myself I'll update the blog tomorrow.. which is more procrastination. I should totally count the number of times I use the word procrastination in my blog.

So the things I usually do when I procrastinate:

1. Keep reloading Hotmail, in hopes that within that 3 seconds I'll get another email which I can spend about 30 seconds perusing. Repeat till bored, about 5 minutes later.

2. Keep refreshing Facebook. Usually provides slightly more entertainment, when you have >1000 friends all over the place, status'/profile pages usually get updated every few minutes. Repeat till bored, about 10-20 minutes later.

3. Keep sporadically refreshing Jasryn's blog, in hopes that she'll have updated it. Usually refresh 6 times an hour. At least. On a sidenote, she's prettyyyyy.




4. Look for random stuff to do on online websites, such as uploading pictures into templates. 15 minutes tops before I get bored.




5. Get distracted by things people post on their blogs, or Facebook pages. Proceed to Google, spend 10 minutes on it and probably get distracted by something else. Sidenote again, this is what I just google-d...



Ivanka Trump is ridiculously hot, but she's got such a sweet look too! Damn, and she's a businesswoman + model. I suppose it helps to have a father who's got a lot of money. But still.



6. Once done with above 5 steps, start at Step 1 again.. and repeat as necessary.

And the result?

Gg.

Digging my own grave. Gah.

To be honest,

... I'm afraid of what comes next.

I should really stop wasting time.

Life's brief candle..

Deal With It..

... especially if it's your own fault that you're in this situation in the first place.








If only I were on a deserted island, with a supermarket for food on the opposite shore (which is conveniently rocky - no sand for them). And I'd trade them sand for food (because my side of the beach is conveniently nice and sandy), because they're tired of sleeping on hard rocks.

Mmmmm.. if only.

Why procrastinate the inevitable?

Lucky.

... in so many ways.

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend,
Lucky to have been where I have been,
Lucky to be coming home again.

Lucky we're in love in every way,
Lucky to stay where we have stayed,
Lucky to be coming home someday.

September 15th. Looking forward to it. Hopefully it doesn't go wrong heh. Then I'll finally be free of a useless right hand and shoulder pains for GOOD.

Empty words, empty smiles.. Heh, how impressive.

I know I can count on you.

It's Time to Try..

... defying gravity.

I know I'm not a kid anymore.. I know they're idealistic, romantic and unrealistic - but I still love fairy tales. They make me happy. =)

I've been wasting a lot of time doing non-productive things. =( Reaaaaally need to get started on my work, since every week for the rest of the semester I've got something due. Ahhhhhhh. And other some stuff too.. Surgery on the 15th of September. Joy.

Which is actually going to be pretty interesting.
I wonder if I can keep the rib they cut out... and get it made into a necklace=D how cool would that be, lol.

ANYWAY.

Back to work! Or rather.. back to attempting to START doing work (not actually even doing it yet ugh).

Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity.

Who Can Say,

... if I've been changed for the better.

I'm feeling kind of floaty again. Whimsical, maybe.

On a slightly unrelated note, Wicked (the musical) songs make me happy.

Because I knew you, I have been changed..... for good.